Sunday, December 19, 2010

Finally, a woman speaks...

‘The Palace of Illusions’, written by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni , made me aware of a completely different facet of the legendary epic, ‘Mahabharat’. And I saw it through the eyes of a woman who was partially responsible for the story to unfold in that particular way; Draupadi, or a name more aptly suiting her persona, Paanchali! Since my childhood, I have known the Mahabharat to be a story of the war of the cousins, the Kauravas and the Pandavas wherein the latter were ‘good’ and the former, ’evil’. This made me think that everything in this world is black or white, evil or good! How simple life is when we are children! And how easy it was for the child me to assume that there can only be two kinds of people in this world, good and bad!
But the ‘Mahabharat’ soon faded in my memory as I started growing up; I assumed that I knew the epic at least briefly, if not in detail and I did not doubt that version of the epic known to me. So I never really sat down and thought about it. Then my friend introduced me to this book, ‘The Palace of Illusions’. Being an avid reader of books based on legend and mythology, it immediately caught my interest. So since Deepti Tagare would not lend the book to me as she had not completed reading it, I went and bought the book from the roadside on FC road! Temptation got the best of me and my wallet (as always) and so I started reading it.
While reading it, I couldn’t help but admire the character detailing that Divakaruni has accomplished and maintained throughout the book. Paanchali has always been shown as a self respecting woman who survived a man’s world with her head held high. But what I truly appreciated was Divakaruni’s eye for the flaws in her personality. Her vanity, her temper, her selfishness, all has been portrayed exceptionally in this book. It gives you a woman’s perspective on the biggest war of all time. It makes me feel proud that someone thought it important to have a woman’s take on one of the greatest wars ever fought.
The book revolves around Paanchali’s thirst for recognition, her wanting to make a mark and leave her name inked in the pages of history as was stated when she stumbled out of the fire and was thus, born. It tells us her part in the war at kurukshetra, how it might not have happened if she would have altered a few of her actions. But what it makes us realize the most is that the true hero of the entire saga is Karna! Karna, the sixth Pandav (or rather the first Pandav) the firstborn of Kunti. He truly captured my heart for though he lived his life nobly and righteously, it was his unfortunate destiny that made him side with the wrong side! But inspite of the side he chose, he was always just and wise with his head on his shoulders. He stood by Duryodhan till the end proving that the relationship of the heart is much more important than the relationship of blood. His passion and simplicity could make any woman even today, want him by her side, just as Paanchali did!
Paanchali’s heart was imprisoned by him the moment she first set her eyes on his portrait. This doesn’t mean that she was not loyal to her husbands. She performed all her duties as a daughter of a king, the wife of five kings and as the queen of a kingdom with perfection that only few could manage to achieve but her heart always sought to be with someone else, Karna. And that is why, she was the first one to fall while climbing the holy mountain.
A love story, a political drama, an epic, call it anything you like, but the Mahabharat was and will always be a story about how your fate depends on the choices you make and how your choices affect everyone around you.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Being in love...

Now that I’m in love
What do I do?
He seems like a dream
That I wish would come true...

He’s charming and smart
And knows a lot about stuff
He pulls my leg and apologizes
When he senses I’m pissed (though I try to bluff!)

It’s not that he’s perfect
He has his flaws
Like never being on time
But I hardly mind that because...

All I can do is think of how
He and I could be a ‘we’,
But then I realize that now
Reality is what I should see!

We’re really good friends
No doubt about that;
But does he feel the same,
Oh! How I wish to believe that!

I think he likes me too
Is what I feel sometimes
But then later on I feel
He’s the same with all the girls all the time...

So to conclude I think...
No I’m confused to the core
Being in love is so painful
I’d rather not be in love as before!!!

Friday, October 29, 2010

All about losing her...

There was this girl in my school who was my friend. We weren’t the best of friends, but we did talk in school. After school, we did not meet up or anything but if we did meet somewhere by coincidence, we always said hi and chatted for a while. She was a shy girl but was good through and through. Her best trait was that she had a kind heart. And then during our PL’s a friend told me about what she’d done.
I was sitting in our college studying for the forthcoming exams. A friend of mine suddenly approached me and asked,” Do you know what happened to Payal (name changed).” I was a little puzzled. I hadn’t heard about Payal for a very long time. Looking at my friends face, I knew it was something bad. I think she read the question mark right off my face because before I could say something, she just blurted out the fact that Payal had committed suicide. I just sat there for a second. I could sense that my friend was expecting some reaction; but I could do nothing. I just sat there digesting the fact that Payal was no more. I expressed my sympathies to my friend and kind of shooed her off. I needed time to think. I needed time to figure out why the death of someone I barely knew and had not seen for a long time had affected me so much.
The reason why she did it is irrelevant. Frankly speaking, she did not mean a lot to me. She was a mere acquaintance, my school mate. Not my best friend or relative whose presence would make a difference in my life. Yet on that day, I could not get myself to do anything. I could not focus. My thoughts came coming back to what Payal had done. Somehow, she had managed to leave a feeling of emptiness in my heart.
I got back to my schedule from the next day. Payal completely vanished from my thoughts. I was back to my books trying to figure out a Wien bridge oscillator. Life was back to where it should be.
Then in the month of January, a bunch of my school friends organized a memorial service for Payal. It was at my school hall. I went there experiencing the same emptiness in my heart all over again. The response was overwhelming. Almost my entire batch was there to express their condolences for Payal and her family. My teachers and her friends expressed their feelings of the loss and pain they felt because of losing her. One of her best friend from school said,” Payal always wanted to meet me at the school’s reunion. I just never thought she would be the reason for all of us meeting here like this.” I felt a tear roll down my cheek.
I’m not much of an emotional person but that moment made me realize that it really doesn’t matter whether a person is close to you or not. If the person you lost is close to you, you feel their absence, you miss their presence. But if not, all you feel is emptiness, that too at the back of your head. Every person makes a difference in your life by being there and sometimes, by not!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Do not fall in love with a potential Romeo!

    Have you ever imagined a love that defies the entire universe and lives through all the tests of time? Something every girl dreams of, right from the rich and famous one to the girl next door, you’d say (which, by the way is absolutely 100% true)! Every girl wants her soul mate to be ala Romeo, who would die rather than live without her. What she doesn’t realize is that it takes guts to actually fall in love with a prospective Romeo! Because though these guys would defy eternity for their love, (which, by the way, is an extremely romantic thought….. NOT!!!) they can be a pain in day to day life, since it will be pretty morose for them!
    Come on, can you imagine a Romeo sitting at home twiddling his thumbs struggling to come up with a normal way of proposing to Juliet? Why, the very thought scandalize him!!! No climbing walls and jumping into the balcony, no secret meetings, just a boring date in some restaurant or a walk in the park; it’d be like his own personal nightmare!!! Come to think of it, I think he might even get a stroke and die… Nah, I’m just exaggerating!
    Coming back to my point, dating facsimiles of such heroic figures tends to be more mind-numbing than rewarding. He’ll always be craving for a more ‘adventurous’ and ‘world defying’ relationship. If you tell him your parents liked him in the first go, he’d be like, “WHAT??? So I don’t get to win your parents over? No fights? No eloping? No dying for each other? No proving we could die but our love WILL survive? Jeez woman, are your parents crazy?!?!?” And all you’ll be able to do is stare at him… Or swear at him (Personally I like the latter)!
    So the moral of this very short story is (especially for us girls) DO NOT EVER WISH FOR A ROMEO if your family and you are sane (the definition of sane will be put up in the next blog)!!! Fall in love with a sweet simple guy next door or don’t fall in love at all! But do not love a potential Romeo!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Light me a Candle...


I open my eyes,
I see nothing.
All I see is black;
Darkness surrounds me!
I wave my hand in front of my eyes;
Are they really open?
Cause I can’t see my hands nor my feet
Not even me!
I search wildly in the dark
For some light, some hope!
My courage fails me
I feel lost
I feel trapped
This darkness is suffocating me!
Please O please, someone give me light!
I can’t see,
I can’t hear or feel anyone’s presence.
 I’m all alone,
Where am I???
Help me someone, anyone;
Light me a lamp,
Show me a way.
Take me out of this… place!!!
I’m alone
I’m scared
I need to get out;
I need to break out of this dark prison,
This black cage!
The wings of my vision need to soar;
Don’t clip them;
Don’t take away from me my means of freedom.
Don’t bind me to the ground.
Light me a candle at least,
So I can see;
So I can fly…

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Fly...

My wings need to unfurl,
I am ready. . .
I can feel it, deep down,
I know I am ready. . .
To fly out of my nest,
To feel the wind under my wings, across my face,
I want to fly. . .
All alone in the sky!!!

I don’t need anyone anymore,
To hold me or guide me;
I want to smell the flavor,
Feel the essence
Of being up here all alone
On my own!!!

I want to fly to the end of the world,
And go right back and start again.
I want to be above this world.
Free of worry, anxiety
And do whatever I want to,
However I want to. . .

For the sky is free for everyone to fly.
Anyone can go there,
Live there in harmony.
There are no rules,
No binds. . .

And that is why sometimes I wish,
The sky came down to the earth and kissed her,
So we could reap the chance of flying down here;
Being free down here!!!

Freedom at last!!!

I've always wanted to have a place where there would be no restrictions what so ever on what I write about. A place which would be free of the skeptical eye of the English Teacher, who never seemed to acknowledge what I wrote... And I've found it!!! So now, unless blogspot wants me to shut down, no one can tell me what to write about or how to go about it!!!

Here's to freedom of writing... Of opening your wings and flying... Finally!!!